Forever Is Not The Ending
by RenTin
Summary: Now that the journey for the shards is over, what's left? The hunt for Naraku will continue, but can Kagome stay? Or should she return home? And if she does what does that mean for her and InuYasha? The only battle left is the one within herself.


A/N: This is the first fanfic I've ever posted, and I'm thinking it might be the only one. I just got the idea in my head and it needed to get out and this is what it has become. Sorry if the facts and whatnot aren't very straight, but I am fairly new to this world of anime. So, hope you like it, and if you don't then that's your rightful opinion. Oh and before I forget, single quotes are thoughts regular quotes are words spoken aloud. But I'm sure that's all understandable. OK enough blabbering...

Disclaimer: I do not own anything InuYasha, which is everything in this fanfic. lol

Kagome sat under the tree wondering. Why was she there? Why didn't she just leave? The Shikon jewel had been made whole. There was no need for her presence there. Of course they had made a pact to continue their hunt for Naraku, but what help could she offer in that department. She had gotten better with her bow and arrow, but really never used it unless it was life or death and even then someone else was always there to take the full load. She wasn't really needed. So why? Why had she decided not to go back down the well? To go home? "I know why." Her sad voice rang out to the silence. "It's because once you go home, you can never return. That's why." She spoke to herself as if she were the shadow of the girl. This feeling that held her mind, body, and soul captive made her want to cry. Cry forever until the whole world was preserved in her tears. At least that way she could have it. Have it forever. She stood up pushing the thoughts back. "I won't. I can't. I can't say goodbye." She stood in silence for a moment balling her hands into tight fists ready to punch through her own resolve. "But you have to. You don't belong here. Your place is in the future." Her head fell so that her chin rested on her sternum. "It's not fair. Why can't I have both?" Tears finally began to fall, but one at a time as if making sure they didn't follow the same path as the one before thereby knocking it from it's course. Those words vibrated through her mind. 'Why can't I have both?' "Both? I can't." It was a flat answer, but she knew it was true. She remembered the words of her friend. "You can't have your cake and eat it too." She sighed, unclenching one of her fists to wipe away her tears. "But why not?" She tried to reason with herself, but would find that it was a losing battle. Her shadow seemed to win the war. "Because, your future has yet to be decided. This is the past. You can't have a future here." She lifted her head as if coming to the same conclusion as her shadow and realizing its truth. "My future is in the present." Still as she said the words to convince herself a little piece of her held onto the thought of the past being her present as it was. But the better part of her knew she would have to leave and there would be no coming back. Grateful for the time she had to be alone, she marched herself back in the direction of the camp, her heart breaking a little with every step. She knew now what she had to do. She knew that staying was no longer a possibility. "Was it ever?" She laughed wryly at her own question never bothering to think of an answer.

She looked up as she heard the chattering of her friends. Miroku and Songo were bickering as usual and Shippou, poor little Shippou, was trying to reason with them both. It was a sight she had become accustomed to. A sight that she would sorely miss. Her eyes began to mist over, but she stood letting the cool breeze dry the moisture about to pour forth. As she gazed through the fire at her friends, she noticed an absent body. 'InuYasha,' her mind wondered. Walking past the bickering unnoticed, she headed into the opening where the well was. Where all of her friends would soon disappear. It was odd looking at it. She used to think of it as her salvation, the doorway that would always soothe her. But now she only saw it as her doom. Walking closer she noticed the all too familiar twitch of his ears just appearing above the other side of the well. 'So cute.' She had always thought them cute. She strode up next to him and plopped down, leaning against the well as he was. There was silence as the breeze blew talking of unseen and unheard of things from the lands far away. Finally and surprisingly it was InuYasha who chose to speak. "So, you thinking about going home?" He chanced a side-glance at the girl he had become so fond of over the course of their ventures. She just stared at the nothingness beyond her sight. "I guess I have to. I mean..." She paused thinking very carefully about her next words. Venturing to look at the hanyou she had come to call friend, no, more than that, she continued. "I'm not really needed anymore. I'm sure you guys can find Naraku in no time. You don't really need my help for that. Besides he's nowhere near as strong as he used to be. He's just a regular hanyou." She gasped softly at the implication she had just made. She didn't mean it the way it sounded and hoped against all hope that InuYasha understood that. He hopped up and placed his palms on the ground beside her, resting his legs on his haunches. Kagome chanced another look. 'Oh, boy, so much for hope.' His face came dangerously close to hers. His eyes narrowed. "What do you mean 'you're not needed anymore'?" Kagome's eyes widened and then she let out the breathe she had been holding in. He looked so serious. She started to giggle. It was uncontrollable. He was just so adorable. Of course he found no delight in it. "Feh, fine then don't explain. But just so you know, you'll always be needed." Kagome stopped her fits and looked up at the now serious looking hanyou. Hope was rekindled. Did he mean that? Wait, what did he mean by that? "InuYasha?" He didn't look at her for a moment only sat back to his original position of leaning against the well. She cleared her throat not sure if she could repeat his name. He sighed. "What?" He side-glanced her again. She was still staring at him, making him uncomfortable, yet comfortable all at the same time. Her eyes had always eased him, even when they blazed with fire, he could always feel at ease with them upon him. He repeated his question as she seemed too preoccupied to have even heard. He smiled secretly happy that looking at him made her forget. Kind of like what happened to him when he looked at her. "Huh? Oh, I forgot. It mustn't have been important." She waved her hand shaking it off. "Don't worry about it." Inside she was dying. She wanted to know if he could possibly mean that _he_ needed her. 'But you can't stay here. It isn't your time.' Her shadow kept that constant reminder in the back of her head. "I know." She charged in a hushed tone, not really aware that she had spoken out loud. InuYasha must have taken this to be an answer to his previous statement. "So, if you know, then why don't you just go home for a while and then come back so we can continue our search for Naraku." Kagome's brow furrowed. Had he not thought at all about the well closing up once she returned to her own time? Had he not thought about what it might do if she were to drop down that seemingly bottomless pit again? The sureness on his face told her he hadn't. She sighed unable to voice her concerns at the moment. "You're tired. Why don't you go to sleep." It was more of a command than an option. Kagome not wanting to move just laid her head on InuYasha's shoulder, much to his surprise. He tensed, but when he heard her contented sigh, he relaxed. This was how it was supposed to be. He wanted it this way forever and now, now there was nothing to stop him, to stop _them_.

He leaned into her and breathed deep. Her scent drove him crazy and his eyes glazed over. He often tried to stay away from her on the nights of the full moon, but this time there was no escaping her. Her shampoo mixed with moon flower told him that she had taken a bath recently. The thoughts of that sent his mind into a whirlwind of unbidden visions and emotions. He wasn't really allowed to feel this way for her before, there was always that one thing keeping him from it. But it was no longer there. Kikyo was finally put to rest and at peace and there was nothing left to hold him back. He damned his thoughts all the while letting her scent overwhelm him. He groaned inwardly at the closeness of it all. At the feel of her body against his, at the feel of her hair under his cheek, at the feel of her hand in his, her scent. Everything was slowly driving him sweetly insane. He closed his eyes trying to get the feelings to subside. Kagome moved, let go of his hand, and in one swift motion wrapped her arms around his waste clinging to him tightly. This startled InuYasha. "Uh, heh, Kagome, are you, uh, all right?" He heard his stammering and rolled his eyes at how childish he was being. She made no verbal response only hugged him tighter with a fierceness never found in her being before. 'I don't won't to say goodbye to him.' The voices inside of her continued to wage war. She thought by holding onto him that it would make them stop, make them still their rantings and give her peace if only while she held him. Her body tensed as she felt his hands press into her back and her side. He was trying to stop them, even if he didn't know it, he was trying to stop the war going on within her. She buried her face in the nape of his neck and brought her arms up to encircle it. InuYasha didn't seem to mind a bit. It only made him tighten his hold all the more. Then he felt it. Hot moisture on his neck. A hand came to rest on the back of her head, cradling her. "Ssh Kagome, don't cry. I can't stand to see you cry." His voice was soft and melodic almost entrancing. He heard her sobs, silent though they were. He felt her body rack with them. Then it hit him, what this felt like. What this embrace felt like. It was... it was... goodbye.

At this realization InuYasha's grip loosened. He was finally registering it all and it didn't settle right with him. He grabbed Kagome's shoulders roughly, not meaning to hurt her, even though she cringed. He softened his touch. He took a deep breath before he spoke with a shaky voice. "Ka- gome." Her hands fell from his neck as she slowly looked up to meet his eyes. The golden orbs were now filled with anger, sadness, and realization as apposed to the curiosity and happiness that held her captive so many times before. "InuYasha, I, I..." She couldn't find any words to say to him. She placed a shaky hand on the lip of the well and stood up leaning on it for support. As she peered over its side a forgotten tear dropped into fathoms of darkness. 'That should have been you. There's no need to delay. We need to go home.' Kagome squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head in defiance. "I won't. Not yet. I can't." Her words were hoarse, but audible to InuYasha's ears. The voice didn't respond. In that moment she thought she had won the battle... for now at least. She turned feeling a little better, letting a slight smile grace her tear stained face. InuYasha could only watch helplessly as the woman he had come to love was being torn in two by something other than her feelings for him. No it was an unseen thing that was buried deep inside her that wouldn't give her peace. He reached out to smooth back the bangs out of her eyes. But as he was reaching for her something pulled her away from him. Some invisible hand pulled her away from him. She was falling backwards and it all seemed to be in slow motion. He saw the horrific look on her face as she plunged backwards into the well. She reached out for him even called to him, but all was silent. He leaned over the side, arm outstretched reaching for her, grabbing for her but she was quickly disappearing into the black. Without a second thought he jumped in after her.

The drifting seemed to take forever but he could see her face. As long as he could see her face it was all right. She was looking at him, smiling holding back tears. He smiled back at her, reassuring her that it would all be over soon. Just as he felt the long chasm ending a bright blue light shown vividly. It burned to look at and InuYasha shielded his eyes but for the moment it took for the light to dissipate. Letting his fire rat robe fall back to its place along with his arm he landed at the bottom of the well. Something wasn't right. He knew it, felt it. He dropped to his knees and let his head fall back. His claws found their way into the earth and clenched at its heart as if trying to force it to bring her back. When it didn't he opened his tear filled eyes and cried out to the sky. He roared out her name. The louder he called for her the more angry he became. Finally he collapsed into a shaking heap upon the earth he had tried to threaten. Mumbling came from somewhere inside of him as if it was a way to answer all the secrets of life. "Why? Why isn't she here with me? Who took her away? I failed her. I couldn't reach her. Oh Kagome, my Kagome, come back to me." His last words sent him into a dreamlike state where all he could see was her all he could hear was her laughter. He stayed there like that hoping the visions of his Kagome would never end.

Kagome knew in her heart what was happening. She knew it was for the best, the right thing. "But I didn't even get to say goodbye." She cried out to her shadow. "No, Kagome, you said goodbye. That hug was goodbye and you know it." She laid her head on the earth at the bottom of the well idly digging her nails into the soft ground there. "InuYasha, I will never forget you. Please don't forget me." Her quiet sobs filled the well and reverberated off the walls. On the other side of the well InuYasha heard her plea. He heard her and made a promise. "I will never forget you Kagome. I will find a way to you. I promise even if it kills me I will see you again. I love you Kagome." With that, his dreams of her smiles came back to him and sent into a slumber. Kagome only closed her eyes and grabbed at the earth as if it were him. She whispered softly into the ground. "I love you too. And I promise, I'll wait for you to find me." With that she drifted to sleep thinking only of him, of InuYasha.

A/A/N: Yeah I know the ending is, well, not really the ending, but I haven't written anymore and not sure if I will, depends on the reviews I suppose. But I've always liked bittersweet endings. And this one is more mild than most. So read and review. Any comments, and I do mean any, good or bad, are welcome.


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